Connecting with your Teenager

Connecting with teenagers can be an art! Sometimes, it just happens! Other times, it is hard to do! What I do know is that it takes some skill, good timing and a lot of care! The BEST Tip I know for quality connections with teenagers may surprise you! It is simple, but it does take time and some effort. Sitting on your teenager's bed at night, lights off, asking them about their day, is a GREAT way to show you are willing to listen and that you care about what they have to say. To do this, you may have to record your favorite show, put down your reading material and be ready to enter into your teen's world!

If you have already established this night time ritual with your child when he or she they was younger, it is easy to continue. If not, I highly recommend you start now! This is a great ritual for all parents who have kids of any age! It is never too late to start this great habit!

So, you're sitting there with your teen in the dark...now what? Remember, you're connecting. You're on the same team. You want to see life through your teenager's point of view. When you do take the time, you will understand them better and you'll know better what they need.

Caution: Watch out for falling into the temptation of evaluating, even judging what they say. LISTENING to understand someone's heart takes concentration. Listening without interrupting (which by the way is one of the top complaints I hear in my therapy office, by people of all ages...) is a gift in and of itself! Listen, listen and listen some more! This helps your teenager feel that you "know" them.

What next? Later in the week, your night conversations will help you know what areas to bring up in conversation. Actively listening to our teens helps us to know what areas of life we should concentrate on. You will then be able to think of thought provoking questions to ask them whenever the opportunity presents itself. This helps us in our job as parents. One aspect of parenting is to mentor our kids. Believe it or not, our teenagers are looking for direction. Other influences in society will be happy to provide it if there is a void. Providing direction is a key part of our job. We just have to be intentional about connecting and guiding!

Enjoy those late night chats!